Yesterday I was feeling lucky ... lucky to be alive ... lucky to be healthy ... lucky to live where I do ... so I bought my first lottery ticket in about fifteen years. I slept like a baby last night (a happy one) and dreamed about former students and animals I have liked. When Kenya climbed up on the bed at seven or so, I lay there waking up and dreaming about what I would do if my ticket actually won, if I actually had 41 million dollars to spend.
By the time I had fed Kenya and made tea, I had a very long list of things I would do with a win of any size. A big win would have made possible huge gifts to the people I love and the organizations I know are doing important good work where it is needed. It was harder to imagine how I would spend my own portion.
I would finish the house properly rather than doing things myself in my incompetent way ... things like the interiors of closets ... reparation of water damaged walls ... sanding of beams ... all the polyurethaning that would make my life simpler.
I would have the shed, decks, and stairs down to the lake built by someone who would do a good job.
I would replace my old low slung Toyota with an all wheel drive Honda CRV.
I would hire Property Solutions to help me clean up the property once and for all.
I would fly over and visit Pat.
I looked at the lottery results on-line and carefully examined my ticket.
I did not win anything ...
But you know, I didn't feel even a slight sense of disappointment. I realized that, although I couldn't give generous gifts to anyone, I still had my home, my dog who climbs up on my bed every morning, all those pieces of furniture to turn funky, my health, and people I love. And somehow or other, the things that need doing or the car I will eventually have to buy will happen, whether I win enough money to make it easy and instantaneous or not. I am still a lucky woman.