Sunday, 16 January 2011

Why can't a man be more like a woman?

Yes, I know it sounds like an inversion of the famous "My Fair Lady/Pygmalion" complaint mouthed by Henry, the old curmudgeon and lover of language ... and that is a little scary since I may well fit that description myself.

But honestly.

I keep meeting really interesting women who would be lovely mates if only they were men!

I am not thinking of the stereotyped images of either sex, but fully fledged and interesting ... and fit ... in all ways ... mentally, physically, financially, morally, sexually  ...

I have recently been meeting men who have some or even most of those attributes, but too often they are sadly deficient.  But I meet women who seem whole all the time.

The woman I met most recently said things like: "Oh, I can't be bothered with men; they all seem to need mothers", "The ones I meet have no sense of adventures at all", "I met one who spent his entire year traveling from one of his offspring to another and wanted someone to share that life!  Good grief!" and "All the men I have met on-line seem like dorks."

Another started her last email with the salutation "Men, shmen" and proceeded to write in a most interesting, independent fashion.

Still another sighed and stated with finality, "They are all boring, you know, even the good ones."

A very old friend decided several years ago that men were fine as friends but she was quite quite finished with the idea of a relationship with one.  She much prefers the company of the women she knows.

Anyway, so far,  the men I have met whom I had some hopes for have proven to be mentally ill, physically decrepit, poverty stricken, virtually homeless, lacking friends, without much of a life and/or boring.

The woman I just met the other day may have the answer.  She says she is going to start looking for Latin men.  At least life would be interesting with them!

I dunno about that as a solution but I am going skiing with her on Tuesday.  Maybe I will learn more.  She seems to have thought things through pretty carefully, and, like me, she's still hopeful.


Barbara Carlson said...

Have a look at this TED lecture. "Men are the New Ball & Chain" (16 minutes)

Erin Kuhns said...

For starters, I'm looking forward to watching that TED lecture that Barbara listed above. :)

I also just wanted to say that even at the age of 38, there's apart of me that feels that sort of jadedness. I won't give into it, but what I think has happened is that I've developed higher standards as I've gotten older (and burned), which is great--but it also diminishes the pool of available men by a heck of a lot.

The really funny thing is that if someone that fits those qualities I'm seeking (and lacks the ones I despise) comes along, I immediately wonder what's really wrong with him and/or why he'd be interested in me.

Quite the conundrum. :)

I believe in perseverance. It'll happen. Someone cool will come along. He won't fit all of the criteria or he'll have some strange alien snoring issues, but he'll be a joy to be around the majority of the time.

Barbara Carlson said...

Take it from an old married woman -- I'm told -- that the 80-20 ratio fits everything. If you are happy with a man 80% of the time, expect the 20% to drive you crazy. BUT, it's the crazy things other people do that, apparently, keep them sane.

Oma said...

80% would be great! I seem to be finding the reversed ratio, however. That may have something to do with the diminished pool as we age. I think the best ones have already been found by some lucky women (or have died), and those that remain are often getting ready to die, spiritually, mentally, or physically.

And yes, Erin, maybe our standards rise as we become happier with ourselves, our single selves.

I will have to watch that on your computer, Erin. Dial-up won't do it. Let's make a date!

kingmisha said...

Try young men. I like most of the men in my daughter's circle. They are funny, bright, aware, sensitive and self aware, and unlike men in our generation, they are not afraid of smart women. They also are hot - with tight buns and flat abs and hair on their heads. They have their own teeth too (unless they play hockey).

I find most men of my generation unattractive physically, mentally and emotionally. So does that make me, a geriatric cougar?

Oma said...

kingmisha! Geriatric cougar indeed! All very well to admire ... but what those young men see is what we see when we look in our mirrors.

I would like to find someone who IS my age and as active and fit as I am ... not someone who will make me feel ancient ... but not someone I will see as falling to pieces either. Just someone who is in as good shape in all ways as you are ... as I am ... as women tend to be.

They do exist ... I see them occasionally ... but they are not available!

kingmisha said...

OMG Oma, I was kidding. Humour is one of life's greatest gifts at our age. Relax and enjoy the irony of searching for an ideal man that doesn't exist. I paid a lot of dues in life for the luxury of laughter.

Whatever gave you the idea I'm in good shape? I'm no bargain for anyone to take on. I'm smart, look good, have some of my own teeth, dress well and manage to keep up appearances. But underneath, I've got stroke damage, fibromyalgia, acute deep vein thrombosis, glaucoma, vertigo and periodic phlebitis. Hell I'm a ticking bomb and a great catch. I can't imagine why any man wouldn't be happy with me.

You're lucky to be as healthy as you are. Most men our age are not healthy nor athletic either. Have you considered that they might be afraid of you? They may feel that they can't keep up and are embarrassed by their frailty? You're most telling comment is "I don't want someone who makes me feel ancient". That is precisely what older men say when they marry young women.

We've all been damaged and disillusioned by life. Perhaps some of us, men and women, would prefer the safety of our dreams and illusions. Getting naked with someone at this age, may just be too revealing. It's just too daunting.

Oma said...

I knew you were kidding, kingmisha ... in my original draft I made tut-tut noises and likely made it clearer (to you) that I knew you were not serious ... but then I removed them in case someone else took my admonishments seriously and judged you as a geriatric cougar. The electronic written word is far too easily misconstrued especially as far as tone is concerned.

As for your own frailties ... look at the list of strengths and weaknesses and see how the strengths outweigh the physical deformities.

I am looking at people "on balance" and trying to imagine how we would be as friends and/or romantic partners ... and when the balance is badly skewed (either way in relation to me) it just isn't a good fit.

But your comment made me think about how men are seeing me. Thank you. I has come at a very good time.

(You, BTW, are a fine fit ... except for your sex, your location, and your internal clock :-))

Oma said...

Heavens. My brain or at least the vocabulary part of it seems to be atrophying at an alarming rate.

Deformities indeed! Infirmities ... health issues ... physical problems ... anything but deformities!!!

kingmisha said...

My deformities are my *sex and my age*. I have always had them. My infirmities on the other hand, come and go.

Have no fear, I quite like the notion that others will think me a geriatric cougar. It beats the hell out of "dirty old woman", doesn't it?